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Identity: Conkers.

Age: Brought into the UK over four centuries back.

Look: The outdoor world's collectible doll.

That can't be accurate. Absolutely. Check out a social media video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them call it “nature's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on earth are you talking about? Goodness, you really are out of the loop, aren’t you? Young people are taking to TikTok to film themselves removing conkers from their spiky capsules.

But why? Due to the sense of wonder! When you open up a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Will it be big? Might it be flattened? What will its shine level be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re vaguely hellish-looking dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Would someone inform gen Z that they’re doing conkers wrong? Is that so? How do you do conkers, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to destroy everyone else’s conkers. Is that true? That’s bizarre.

Yeah. Your odds improve if you leave it in vinegar and then bake it like a pie. You're not joking?

Seriously. And should you gather an excess, you can hurl them across the playground and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of complex and confusing guidelines?

That's the custom! King Charles literally just presented the World Conker Championships with three hundred horse chestnuts! At least gen Z is only filming them.

Why don’t you know this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game two decades ago, due to various health and safety fears.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe unboxing conkers just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other popular youth fads.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called pottery that I can explain to you.

Those hobbies are ancient! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to poke each other?

Certainly not! OK, relax. I assumed that all old-people traditions involved violence in some form, after that horse chestnut game.

This is overwhelming. Relax for a moment. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Do say: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

What to avoid: “That's crazy.”